Is Loneliness A Defect In Our Life?
“LONELINESS” is not a disease it is the psychological experience of people feeling lonely at some points in their life. It is the part and parcel of the human condition to experience, at times, a sense of isolation from the society, regardless whether other people are present or not.
For most people, loneliness is a transitory and brief state, something ought to be accepted and understood. As for some people, loneliness is not a passing phase but they adopted it as their way of life which seem trap without an exit and when this happen, it often cause great suffering.
Loneliness is not the same as being alone, but it is quite possible to be alone and to feel contend, fulfill and at peace in the state of solitude, which can also bring joy with blessing.
At such moment, it allow an individual time and space to explore their inner life, to experience tranquility, spending time of their own in loving way discovering a sense of purpose about life, and the serenity within yourself.
It also helps along with the ability you have to think, create and interact with other people thus achieving harmony.
In the state of solitude you feel connected with your love ones, friends, relatives and others even if they are not present because solitude is without fear or distress in a peaceful state of mind.
Dreadful loneliness on the other hand, is unhappiness being alone and is experiencing as being isolated separating from the rest of the society, community or even their family and love ones and inability to communicate with others.
Most people when they are lonely feel an inner sense of emptiness, helpless in their isolation and are prevalent in most of today’s developed countries.
There is different type of loneliness you might experience it as vague, unformed emotions that tell you something is not right, a kind of fleeting void.
Although most people live in built up and populated communities where they are physically closed to each another yet emotionally a very detached society. Close proximity does not translate into close relationship or communities and it is just like “crowded loneliness”.
People are working more and therefore connecting less in social and community activities, when twenty four hours industrial plants and offices dominate an area’s economy, most neighbours become strangers. Especially those whom are working long hours tend to lead a lonelier and less satisfies lives.
Loneliness is one of the results of accelerating fragmentation of the family and the steady rise in the number of broken families and in addition, the younger generation or couples love to stay by themselves, neglecting and leaving the elders or parents to stay alone for long period of time.
Another potential of developing loneliness is also due to the younger generation delaying entering into marriage so extending the years of being single.
The search for material success, personal identities, and lifestyle fulfillment are often behind the choice to stay single and increasing adults living most or all their lives alone.
Such circumstances also cause and increases social fears and social illness and yet another reason for social isolation is the predominant desire for privacy.
Privacy is a modern invention that has come to be considered indispensable and even a status symbol in many societies or communities.
Obviously, with privacy means keeping a distance, seal themselves behind concrete walls with alarms naturally reduce the possibility of warm contact with its neighbors.
What is valued in today’s societies is mobility, privacy, society status and convenience, all of which leads to isolation, loneliness and almost impossible to develop a sense of community relationship.
In the earlier human history, where families extended made up most of the community and the idea of privacy, or living alone is unimaginable.
In today’ world most family contain one or two person and if the current trend continues, this proportion will soon increase to one in every three households for the rest of the twenty- first century.
The twentieth century was the century of violence and the twenty- first century will become the century of loneliness.
Not only is this generation marrying less and marrying later, they also stay married less than their parents or elders and the result is that more and more middle age people find themselves living alone.
At the moment, young couples divorce much earlier before they even have any children and while the increase in adults living alone is unprecedented, many others are living in relationships that leave feeling very much alone.
Due to sexual freedom and the different choices of lifestyle, many young couples may be less committed in making their marriage work than the previous older generation.
Relationship, which are ideally the source stability and intimacy often produce uncertainty and isolation, especially people who are unskillfully bound in a relationship may be loonier than a person living alone.
The changing roles of men and women have also created a turbulence crisis of expectation and when these are not being fulfill and does not match the reality, disappointment and loneliness steps in their lives which result into problems as such;
1. Cannot turn to each another when they feel down.
2. Are left out of each other’s lives.
3. Feel isolated even sitting together in the same room.
4. Become unhappy being shut off from each other.
5. Feel that no knows them well enough.
These five expression indicate that loneliness has become a social belief and a wide spread state of the mind.
Quote: “Our life is what our thoughts make it. A man will find that as he alters his thoughts toward things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him.”
Sorrow is the emotion that keeps addicted to loneliness, and it may come from some unhappy relationships or because you are doing what you love or achieving your lifetime goals.
Sometimes the world can be very overwhelming destination, and its sheer power can cause us to a full retreat from life.
The more entrenched we become in retreat, the more will cause us to believe that the only way to cope with life is to escape from reality.
Actually, even if you in the grip of s powerful sorrow, one can still alter your experience of loneliness, as inside all of us is a place where we live alone and at the same time renewing our inner self.
Well inside our inner self, you can create inspired thoughts that lead you to self discovery, freeing our self from sorrow and fear and when we have access to it, why chose to be lonely?
Alternatively, you can feel loneliness as an intense withdrawal, like an acute pain or a constant dull ache or many superficial causes.
It might be you are missing someone who has died or from whom you separated living or working alone and have little contacts with others.
Or it might be that you are around with others, even in a relationship but simply feel disconnected, unheard and unable to reach out for contact and support.
What all loneliness has in common is pattern of building walls to surround it instead of constructing bridges to reach to others.
The lonelier someone feels, the more they start to cut themselves off from others and the harder it feels to imagine making a real meaningful connection with another person.
All lonely people have in common of the same source known as fear which is also another cause for them to retreat to stay alone.
Many of us now live in these modern world societies, particularly in the West, in which more and more people feel isolated and disconnected from how they feel and how those feelings affect the world.
Actually this sense of disconnection breeds fear, which in turn can cause loneliness and the tragedy of this, is no one needs to feel lonely.
It is the difference between joyous solitude and sorrowful loneliness is within each of us, like all other conditions, loneliness is simply the state of our mind.
Willingly if persist, one can learn how to heal the sorrow of loneliness and turn its bitterness into sweetness of inner peace and the ability to chose either solitude or the meaningful company with others.
But along the way, there are misconceptions about loneliness, which many people believe and repeat to themselves, reinforcing their unhappy message.
These include the belief that loneliness is a sign of weakness or immaturity or there is something wrong with you if you are lonely.
Most people believe that no one else feels t he way they do, that everybody is out in the world enjoying great relationship and effortless contact with others.
Needless to say, none of these misconceptions are true, but if you believe any of them, then you may feel that your loneliness results from a defect in your personality.
Apparently if you allow yourself to believe this, it can lead to numerous problems which includes;
oA greater fear of taking social risks, such as making telephone calls to initiate social relationship, introducing yourself to others, participating in groups of any kind from public speech to entertaining lively parties.
oA lessening in self expression and responsiveness to others
oA greater tendency to approach social encounters with cynicism and mistrust
oAn increased likelihood of evaluating yourself and others in a negative manner
oA greater feeling and expectation that others will reject you as their friends or associates
Lonely people often tell, that they are feeling depressed, angry, afraid and being misunderstood by their fellow human. Many are highly critical of themselves, over sensitive or with feelings of self pithiness and blaming, critics others in an awful manner. This will be the result of lonely people which often doing things that perpetuate their loneliness.
Some, for example, become discouraged, losing the impetus to get involve in new situations, and isolating themselves from the society or community activities.
There are others, while dealing with loneliness quickly gets them involved deeply in people or activities without evaluating the consequences of their involvement.
This group of lonely people may later find themselves in unsatisfying relationship or they are over committed to work on religious beliefs, community services, and other activities.
The alternative to viewing loneliness as something bad, a defect or an unalterable personality characteristic is to recognise that it is common to most people in all sectors of the society and that, far from being set in the mind, it can be transformed into an entirely different experience.
Loneliness is simply a signal that important requirements are neglected, unmet and actions is needed to eliminate the hermit’s thoughts.
Quote: “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Woman are more likely than men to express their emotions and display much understanding in response to the emotional requirements of their partners and friends, man on the other hand are frequently isolated by the force of their fear, thus having fewer truly close friends.
The unskilful qualities of loneliness are to be found gripping tightly into men’s legacy in the modern world. All of these are obstacles and barriers to friendship and intimacy and are created by fears and lack of serenity in life.
o Men feel uncomfortable at letting their friends or soul mate seeing their emotions or expressing feelings has become a fearful passage for males. At young age parent teaches the young ones the cultural instruction that they must be strong and enduring and as a result when they grow up, they tends to shirk their emotional responsibilities. Such an aversion makes close relationship difficult to maintain and keep improving their friendships, for they have not been taught the truth that manliness comes from humanity.
o Usually males build a wall which block true companionship, even though getting together and collectively for amusement, business, commercial and leisure activities, men seldom sincerely enjoy each other’s company to create and find true friendships.
o Men learnt to create and pass on poor emotional and spiritual examples with the tough guy’s disguise of aggressiveness and strength buried their understanding of knowing themselves and others.
o The false assumption of displaying the powerful influence of male rivalry, which means men, must excel in whatever they do in order to become someone or something, and the competitive spirit automatically build a barrier in friendships.
o Male are taught during young days, not to simply ask for help, as it is a sign of weakness, unskilful men attempts as self-sufficiency rob them of connecting to a close relationship.
o Having success, identity and social status for many men would rather seek material wealth than searching for quality friends, thus restricting their chance of finding reliable relationship.
o Male often focus on one aspect of life, such as career to the detriment of others, and when this happens it become far more likely to face or experience personal crisis. Many men nowadays have limited sense of identity which makes them fragile. Men should expand their sense of identity by seeing themselves in many roles rather than one or two only.
Loneliness is a submissive state, passively we accept or maintain it, while the fear behind loneliness remains the same and this fear prevents us from taking any further action. Hopefully, loneliness can stay away from us but yet human continue to allow it to choke us.
Accepting loneliness with associated unhappy experience often leads to dejection and defenceless, which than create greater passivity.
How do we transform loneliness into action?
Is loneliness pointless or just a waste of time? – Far from it.
Actually many psychologists and mind experts believe that human must experience loneliness and as we go through, than we shall be able to discover our true self, potential and to grow our strength and wisdom.
We, human needs to discover an inner fire which consume loneliness and fear revealing our maturing soul and enduring the painful lessons of loneliness as we move towards a new dimension in consciousness.
To discover how to transform loneliness into joy and serenity, here are some suggestions;
o Spend twenty minutes in silence and meditation every morning and you will soon discover how to ease or face months of loneliness.
o During these minutes of silence and meditation, start looking within and try to discover the origins of your loneliness. Do not be afraid to embrace the sorrows that your fears have created and the habits and mistakes that you make to keep the world at distance. Daily observing and understanding the fears in you and by opening the pain that they hols, eventually it will transform into love and loneliness will loosen its grip over you.
o Try to express yourself by composing information, writing articles, or being creative with your hobby, which brings out the emotional energy inside you and in this way will reveal, release the feelings behind your loneliness.
o Another way is to seek spiritual path to understand and to ease loneliness thus transforming them into happiness and love.
To eliminate loneliness, one must be more self-sufficient and reaching out to make more friends, which will immediately increase your inner energy, happiness and self confidence.
Here are some suggestions which may be valuable in breaking through your sense of loneliness;
1. Seek ways and means every day to get involved with your fellow human, creating conversation when opportunity arises and extend warmth to strangers.
2. Join charity clubs, community centres, or go to places which need your help and support in order to be connected with people.
3. Start learning from others, when you meet someone who is good at connecting and making friends. Open your mouth to ask for advice and ideas how to be constructive in securing friendship.
4. By smiling, talking and engaging with others whenever possible, enable one to improve their social skills to start a relationship with people.
5. Try to observe each person you meet from a new perspective rather than pre-judging them negatively.
6. One must avoid rushing into intimate friendships by sharing too quickly or expecting others will do so, allow the process to develop naturally.
7. Value all your friendships, their individual unique character rather than believing that only a romantic relationship will relieve loneliness.
8. Be preparing to extend trust without any thoughts of returns.
Finally, the unconscious mission of people globally, is to escape the loneliness that they sense as they lose touch with the energy of life. It will be wise not to escape from loneliness but rather to embrace and accepting it by learning self love.
The answer is you will not be lonely if you stay with the person you are fond of and at the same time start practicing love for others, self love than loneliness will simply does not exist at all.
Quote: “Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
Source by Chayanee Sae Jiang